my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
