I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
a search helicopter?!
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
