No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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