I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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