mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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