first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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