why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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