i think i have two assholes
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
