Nicole vs. Life
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
