The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
