i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
