what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
