Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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