some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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