Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
