i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
