Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
