4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
