You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
