If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
