I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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