Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i wish my penis had a tongue
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
