Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
