the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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