you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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