when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
