I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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