:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
