I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He felt like a one man threesome
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
