I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
