i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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