a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
50% drunk capacity currently
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
