my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize