He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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