Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
