you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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