Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
