Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
