I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
