Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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