i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
