Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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