If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
