My Higher Power is John Stamos
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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