He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
