So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
