Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
this will be a night to untag.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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