i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
