my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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