They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
