Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
