Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
