I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
