South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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