every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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