P.S. I can't hear my feet
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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