If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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