community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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