They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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