This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
