was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
