Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
It was confusing and full of hummus
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
