he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
