I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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