I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
