I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
