Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Green mimosas i think yes
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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