sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
