Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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