I looked at my own cervix.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
