Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
