remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
