so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
