I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i came on her dog
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
