i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
