he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
