So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
