ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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