Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
