so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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