you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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