Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
