Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
