I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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