Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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