you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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