We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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