I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
