i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize