I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
