I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
