i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
