he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize