im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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