I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
