based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
