so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
