apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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