I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
