I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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