he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
