just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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