I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
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