I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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