pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
