I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize