So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just found puke in my bra..
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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