note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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