We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
