I cannot find my penis.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
