dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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