Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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