what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
