somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize