I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
